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My Favorite Quotes
Andy Canfield
Information Management Systems

My Favorite Quotes

Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they can be yours too."
- Dave Haynie

"Bullshit don't make armor plate."
- An old man my Dad worked with in 1940.

The purpose of life is the laughter of children.

"Where you keep your money determines who can steal from you."

Nobody in th world gives a damn if you're happy.

You know you're getting old if you have to put on your glasses to see yourself in a mirror.

There are a hundred ways to get it right, and a thousand ways to get it wrong.

"Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
    1. They want it quick.
    2. They want it good.
    3. They want it cheap.
I tell 'em to pick two and call me back."
- sign on the back wall of a small printing company

The journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single step and consists, almost entirely, of single steps, each very small. Together we can move a mountain, one rock at a time. How long will it take? Only one minute, each minute.

Be careful what you say to a cow-orker.

It's important that people know what you stand for.
It's more important that they know what you won't stand for.

The good news is that Jesus is coming. The bad news is that he's pissed.

2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2.

Love is not some kind of victory march. No! It's a cold and it's a very lonely Hallelujah.
- Leonard Cohen

The best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft a-gley,
- Robert Burns. I love the way this sentence starts in perfect normal modern English, then last three words collapse into incomprehensible gibberish. The full poem is here: To a Mouse - A Poem by Robert Burns

Time travel was invented on March 17, 2150, and things haven't been the same since. Or before.

What the Hell - no one's comming back!"
- Grace Slick, on the future, in an airport, in a dream

“I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.”
- Bob Dylan.

"For a list of the ways in which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3."
- Phil Reed

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly

"The illegal we do immediately; the unconstitutional takes a little longer."
Henry A. Kissinger, US Secretary of State, March 10, 1975."

If one person believes it, it's a delusion. If two people believe it, it's a religion.

If three people believe it, one of them is a heretic and must be burned at the stake by the other two.

The nice thing about working for God is that you don't have to keep receipts.

"Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud."
- Maya Angelou

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."
- Mark Twain
This is so true of my lady Chaliao. She's not smart enough to lie.

A man always needs to remember one thing about a beautiful woman. Somewhere, somebody's tired of her.

"If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged."
- Cardinal Richelieu

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
- Anatole France

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

"A recent study shows that one hundred percent of people in favor of birth control are already born."
- Shoe

More than ninety percent of people who commit suicide do not regret it.

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the hand you were dealt.

"Those who know don't talk. Those who talk don't know."
- The PHP Manual

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach teachers."
- Grace Tani

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur (whatever is said in Latin sounds profound).

The difference between being an American and working for the C.I.A. is like the difference between being a Catholic and working for the Inquisition.

If you've been to Heaven, this is Hell. If you've been to Hell, this is Heaven.

"If the student is not better than the teacher then the teacher is a failure."
- A saying among the Tibetan Buddhists, quoted by somebody (perhaps Alan Ginsberg) in the movie "No Direction Home - Bob Dylan".

The goal of a good teacher is to make himself obsolete.

There are five times as many people learning English in China as the total population of England.

"Information is expensive to create; information is free to spread."
- Andy Canfield, modifying Richard Stallman

"Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem."
- Alan McKay

Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Adulthood is a kid's way of creating playmates.

Success consists of surviving your failures.

"I'd rather give my life than be afraid to give it."
- found in a spam e-mail.

People who don't care about the past should not be entrusted with the future.

People who don't like people should not make more of them.

Home is where you go when you don't have any place to go.

"What you teach us to do is admirable, but what you teach us to believe is foolish."
- Thai King Rama IV (aka King Mongkut), speaking to Christian missionaries.

We are a global equal-opportunity employer; we hire idiots from all over the world.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

"Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them."

"If I'd asked the customers what they wanted, they would have said 'A faster horse.'"
- Henry Ford

"Trying to make digital files uncopyable is like trying to make water not wet."
- Bruce Schneier

"The most dangerous thought that you can have as a creative person is to think that you know what you're doing. Because once you think you know what you're doing you stop looking around for other ways of doing things and you stop being able to see other ways of doing things."
- Bret Victor, "The Future of Programming"

Never get into a bar fight with an old person. Every wonder how people get to be old bar fighters? By winning."
- Chris Canfield

All you needed to earn a living was a connection to the net and a brain in your head.
- Wei-Dong, in Cory Doctorow's "For The Win"

"Around the village, wherever men gathered to talk, at the livery stable, the mill or the tavern or blacksmith shop, men talked of the mountains and dreamed aloud to each other, those men who often wish and never will, men who, bound to business, job, or family, dream great dreams of the far-off lands and the wonderful adventures they may someday have. And those other men and boys without ties, who will never take the lone trail because they want but they will not do. Perhaps because subconsciously they know that the every dream has a price, and the price for the wandering life is hunger, loneliness and danger, the blistering thirst of deserts and the icy crash of waves, the tearing winds and driving sleet far from hearthside and the warm arms of loved ones."
- Louis L'Amour, in SITKA

"To understand recursion you first must understand recursion."

"Don't say 'yes' until I finish talking."
- Darryl F. Zanuck
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